Depression, Anxiety, and Me {Part Two}

{{READ ME FIRST}}

Our seventh baby was born. He was beautiful and healthy, just like the rest of our children. To the world, I seemed happy. After all, I was the “super mom” of seven kids, with a loving husband. The one who seemed to have it all together.

But, I was slumping further in to a dark abyss.

I began having panic attacks reglarly, although I couldn’t predict when one would rear it’s nasty head. Why was I experienceing this? I was in the Word and felt close to my Saviour. But, I felt hopeless, unable to control the feelings of overwhelming anxiety, no matter how much I prayed, cried to the Lord, or found comfort in His Word.

depression-anxiety

The final straw…

Everything I did took effort. Much effort. Feeding and caring for my babies was my only concern. Real or make-believe, my husband wasn’t much interested in hearing (or even caring) about my disinterest in things that brought me joy. In fact, I felt that Ray became frustrated with me and retreated.

Suddenly I became paranoid about everything Ray did. I began to stalk my husband, checking his Facebook messages, voicemails, and texts. I was looking for something – anything – to prove that I wasn’t crazy, but in fact had a reason to distrust him.

My panic attacks became more frequent, and bouts of depression more obvious. I didn’t return my family’s phone calls, avoided friends, and didn’t even want to be in my own thoughts.

Ray insisted I get help from a professional. I finally caved…

Help?

I saw my doctor. He told me that I was, in fact, depressed and suffering from severe anxiety. Really?! Postpartum Depression is what he called it. After talking with me, and evaluating the past several years, he figured I had been suffering from depression and anxiety for longer than I realized.

Drugs were his answer. I was put on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds.

I felt relief after just a few days. My thoughts were clear, my panic attacks became fewer, my paranoia subsided. Ray and I talked and worked through many hurt feelings.

I was me again.

Until, I wasn’t.

Pain riddled my body. My emotions and thoughts were somewhat back to “normal,” but my body was in pain.

A new me…

Everything hurt. My hips. My shoulders. My back. My head. Constantly.

I couldn’t sleep at night, so I was in even more pain through the day, creating a vicious cycle.

Back to my doctor I went. There was a new diagnosis to add to the first – fibromyalgia. I was put on more medications – nerve pain meds and muscle relaxers – while I was told to continue my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. Or the pain would be worse.

At last, I felt relief.

Until, I didn’t…

{TO BE CONTINUED}

If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, please find someone to talk to. Email me, leave a comment, or check out PostpartumProgress.com – the world’s most widely-read blog on postpartum depression and all other mental illnesses related to pregnancy and childbirth.

Comments

  1. says

    Thank you for bravely sharing this private part of yourself, Christine. I know it took courage to be this vulnerable and know eve more it will impact someone’s heart and encourage them to seek help.

    I have other friends who battle Fibromyalgia. I have heard their stories about the pain it causes all over their body, and my heart goes out to you.

    Part three? When will I read part three? *waiting eagerly*
    Annie´s last blog post ..Coconut Curry Butternut Squash Soup

  2. Marcee says

    Yes. I agree Annie.

    Very sorry for your ongoing pain and depression Christine.

    After surgeries, then onset of menopause, gradually I began to also suffer with similar medical problems. Have been for many years.

    Hopefully you are on the path to better health Christine. Your support system will benefit everyone.

  3. says

    You are so brave to share your story with all of us reading your blog. Your words are honest and true and it will help others see they may have a problem that they may not have realized. I’m very sorry you’re going through this. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
    Nina´s last blog post ..Our Fall Favorites Giveaway

  4. says

    I live in fear of truly revealing (admitting) some of my inner thoughts/demons. Hell, I don’t even keep a journal for that reason. You are one of the bravest women I know.

  5. says

    I’m so terribly sorry to hear everything you’ve been going through. I knew you were struggling but I didn’t realize how severe it was. I can’t wait to read Part 3 and I hope you got some answers. Depression/Anxiety is a very real thing and nothing to be ashamed of, but I know it doesn’t feel that way when you’re going through it. Thanks for sharing your story and helping others out there who might be going thru something similar know that they’re not alone.
    Jo-Lynne Shane {Musings of a Housewife}´s last blog post ..The Long Awaited Laundry Room Makeover

  6. Melissa says

    Do some research on the following and see if you think any would help your situation- Bach’s Rescue Remedy, Easy Now tea by Traditional Medicinals, any chammomile tea, B complex vitamins daily. These are all things that have helped me but do some reading and see what you think

  7. says

    What a great post!! My Mom is on medication for depression due to chemical imbalance and I pray that I never have to. My husband is thinking of going to the doctor for his balance due to problems he’s having, so I’m praying for him. Just as it’s hard for the person to go through, it’s also hard for those that love them!! ~HUGS~
    Jamie´s last blog post ..Hunter Pro Review – Great Gift Idea!

  8. says

    Thank you so much for being brave and sharing this experience with us! When I found out I was pregnant I was so scared worried stressed and sad. That is a horrible thing to be when your pregnant everybody just expects you to be happy but for some reason I just wanted! I was put on anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds the whole time I was pregnant. I struggled to get outta bed it was like the bigger my belly got the worse I felt but then when I had my baby girl my whole life was changed!! I am not myself or who I use to be but somebody better! I am off all meds but my anxiety level is so severe at times I feel crazy! I have the same symptoms as you! Hang in there if you ever to talk I’m here for you!
    Andrea
    Andrea Nicole´s last blog post ..Day 26- My Day Of Rest

  9. Willie says

    Hi please please give me advice on getting help for depression and anxiety and panic attacks medicines cant sleep good terrible headaches. Medications side effects destroy ing my body. Lost job need healings and miracles my life is being destroyed. From Willie from San Jose California thank you appreciate u all.

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