6 Ways to Rediscover That Lovin’ Feeling

I’ve always loved Ray with a very sincere and passionate love, but it felt for a bit as though we had “lost that lovin’ feeling.” I suppose it could have been the fact that I was either pregnant or nursing for the majority of the first eight years of our mariage. Or, perhaps, it was stress over finances and the cares of running a household of so many. I suspect, though, that it was as simple as taking each other for granted and losing sight of why we fell in love so many years ago.

Falling in love again with your spouse is definitely possible. Ray and I are proof. Recently there was a major shift in our relationship. We, once again, feel like giddy newlyweds and are often mistaken for such when we’re out on our bi-monthly dates. I believe it’s because we’ve made each other a priority, we take time for meaningful conversations, and we’ve just plain relaxed.

What else?

Texting – When I receive a quick “thinking about you” or “i love you” text from Ray it immediately brings a smile to my face. This simple act can go a long way to let your spouse know that you care. It’s fun to get creative with your messages, too!

Handwritten love notes – Before the age of iMessage, email and Facebook, Ray and I got to know each other through hand-written letters. Now, many years later, little notes, sometimes scrawled out in a hurry, brings back those warm memories of young love.

“Parking” dates – It’s easy to get in a rut on date nights. A friend, just the other day, recommended ordering fast food and finding a great place to “park.” With the music turned down low, just go with the flow and relax together.

Going away together – Ray and I are big believers in taking time away to focus on each other. In addition to our regular date nights, we try to go away for a night or two at least once a month. This mini-vacation restores intimacy and proves to each other that our marriage is a priority. It also shows our children know that we  value alone time.

Quickies – I know what you are thinking, but I am referring to just a quick phone call, a brief visit to the office, or just a quiet time out in the evening to focus on each other. It doesn’t have to be long, but proving to each other that nothing is more important is so necessary for a healthy marriage.

Reminiscing – I recently sat for hours and looked through old letters, cards, and photos from early in our marriage. Seeing our raw emotions and feelings expressed in words brought back that warm feeling of joy and happiness. Reminiscing together about your firsts as a couple is sure to spark some pleasant conversations.

How do you and your spouse keep the spark alive in your marriage?

photo credit: Adam Foster | Codefor via photopin cc, text added


  1. says

    I love this post! And I love the picture :-) I think my husband and myself are doing those thinks most of the time… but it’s good to have a list of things to do to make sure that you keep love alive and well :-)

  2. says

    Great tips and a reminder of the huge importance of making sure we connect with our partners. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of this when we focus so much on the little people in our lives and how much we think they need us that we forget that someone else might need a bit more of our time and attention. :)
    Kimberly´s last blog post ..The Sleep Training Selfishishness Checklist

  3. Sarah Drieger says

    Our marriage has been a little bit “bland” lately and I think I will take your suggestions on how we can spice it up. We are in our thirties, so you would think that there would be plenty more years of fun for us – I think we’ll start making the changes we need tonight.
    Sarah Drieger´s last blog post ..Reasons for Constipation

  4. Kimberly H. says

    I agree about texting that brings an immediate flare of love. I’ve tried that before and it’s really a good feeling receive a text message. What’s the sweetest thing that your partner has ever done to you?


  5. says

    Your thoughts are certainly helpful for married parents, but for single parents as well. You can have more balance in your life if you take time out for yourself. As the father of five girls, who raised them alone for a time, you can bet I hid out in the basement sometimes.
    Bob Veres´s last blog post ..The Author’s Next Project

  6. says

    Thanks for the great advice Christine. I have to say that I really agree with the quick text. I always have my phone with me at work, and whenever I find myself thinking of my husband or our family, or when I’m having a not so great day, I always shoot him a quick text that says I miss or that I love him. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but when I was on maternity leave and didn’t have that much time during the day, I started to miss those texts. So now I make it a priority. Great blog!